Afterthoughts

Well, I'm home again.
I sit on my bed looking out at the blue sky peeping through the smoke letting my thoughts meander back to North San Diego county - to my friends, to the games, the fun times, the life I had there. I wonder how I can transfer that life here. I was free there - I could play and be a different person there. But now as I sit 750 miles away from those who taught me to be fearless. I am afraid to play. I am afraid to be fearless.
Its a hard thing to be fearless. To truly not fear anything. To not have a protective layer of strong armor over my heart. I thought I was fearless before I left but then I realized that it was just courage. I had the courage to cover up my heart and not let anything really touch it.
What is the Actor's Academy really? Its a real playhouse. Its a place where people come not only to find out whether they want to be actors or not, or to gain more experience and training, but it is also a place where you are taught to live and love better.
Of course, its not just the place - its the people. Out of about 100 applicants, only 30 are carefully chosen. And these are not just the 30 best high school performers. They are not chosen because they look good or because they manipulated the people in charge. No they were chosen because of their commitment and their talent and their overwhelming desire to be in such a program. And it is with these people, this ensemble, that you work with for the next 5 weeks, that you learn to love and care for in the next 5 weeks. There are no divas or superstars among us.
Yes, I miss it - I miss it terribly. I miss the freedom, the trials, the laughter, the songs, the open arms and the shoulders to cry on should the need arise. But it is nice to be home and to know that I can go and play with them and they will be there.
I realize that I haven't really said much here. But you asked for my afterthoughts, and I know it sounds sappy, but there aren't many thoughts left, just feelings and those are much harder to type.